When I decided to write this blog (which was, yesterday) I struggled with the point of view in which I would write my story. This story is very, very personal to me. Something in which I have avoided doing on this blog in the past. I decided it was a story that I needed to tell. A story, although, personal, I feel people need to read. It may be a bit vengeful, but the truth needs to be told, I think. It started out as a love story, but then that love turned and bit me in the ass. It’s a story about my relationship with my ex-boyfriend, and why he is my ex-boyfriend. I have referenced him before in this blog (Maytag Man/Tidy Bowl Man). In the end, it’s a story of my heartbreak.
I always come up with the title first, then I write. I have several titles in my head.
Why my ex is a Loser!
Why he said “I Love You” but decided to cheat and break my heart anyway
What goes around…
I could go on and on.
I never thought my break up with Maytag man/tidy bowl man would end up this way. Hell, I never thought we would break up!! I thought he was in it for the long-haul. If there is one thing that I want to step away from this relationship is with class and dignity, however, that’s not how the relationship ended.
I think I need to start with how it began for you, the reader, to understand…
Paul (that’s his name) and I started dating August 2007. Things started off well enough, a few dates here and there, then meeting of the friends. It was quite a whirlwind romance. We lived about 2 hours from each other so our weekends were our time. We had some really great times!! He even gave me a key to his house 2 months after we started dating. We had some talks about what might happen in the future, I explained to him, at one point, that my plans for life were marriage and a family, and if he didn’t want those things he needed to tell me. He told me that he was looking forward to starting a family one day. We even talked about what would happen if I got pregnant, how he would feel. He said that it wouldn’t be the exact way he planned on having a family, but he would be really excited about being a dad.
Fast forward to December. Were at a restaurant for dinner Xmas eve and he tells me that he loves me. Great!! I love him too. I thought I saw good things for us. Then we planned a trip to Las Vegas in February for my birthday. Four uninterrupted days together. Bliss!! We had a great time. No problems, very eb and flow. It was his first time in Vegas and I was happy that I could share that experience with him. From how our relationship was progressing and what Paul was telling me, I thought we were on the road to a future.
After we get home from Vegas, he asked me if I would go home with him for Easter and meet his family. I was like, sure, I would live to meet your family. We even talked about him coming to Greece to meet my family. He once told me that he would never take a girl home to meet his parents unless he was serious about her. So I went home with him for an overnight visit with his parents. A bit uncomfortable for me, but I endured for him. Around this time, Paul was getting phone calls from a recruiter to go and work for a company out of state. This job would move him further away from where I live. I wasn’t exactly happy about this, since he always stated to me that he would love to move to Chicago and work in the city. I asked him if he got the job what would happen to our relationship. He said, “let’s cross that bridge when we get to it.” Okay! Fine with me!!
Things in our relationship had come very easy for us. We got along well. Things never got too heavy. Which was fine. I don’t like to stress the small things. I guess we had the best of both worlds, we could be bf/gf on the weekends and during the week we had plenty of space to do as we choose, but the exclusivity of our relationship was always understood. Soon, Paul got the job offer from the out-of-state company which meant he would be moving, which was fine, but that move would mean that we would be living 3 hours from each other. Immediately, I was worried about how we would maintain our relationship, let alone try and build on it some more. Would our relationship stand an even greater distance? How could we grow closer if we were living further from each other? Furthermore, he always expressed to me that he wanted to try and get a job in Chicago, but he failed to even look for jobs in the city. But the company that hired him is a great company for the type of work he does. So I started thinking about how we could get over this road block.
Now, things become funny…
While I was helping him get his house I’m order so he can sell it and move out of state, I later discovered that he began searching the Internet for women. While I spent hours helping him paint cabinets, sweep and mop filthy wood floors, clean cob webs out of corners, wash nasty sheets and drapes, he was whoring himself out on the Internet. I only ever wanted us to be a team and learn to solve problems together, but I guess that was asking too much.
In mid-June, Paul started his new job. He moved and he grew more distant. He started calling me less, he used to call me every night, now he started calling me every other night. This is the time where his emails to other women were plentiful. At this time, he was emailing 6 or 7 different women. At the end of June he planned and went on a date with a girl he met on Match.com. Here is a string of emails that he had with a girl confirming plans for their date…
Re:Match.com Message:
Tuesday, July 1, 2008 11:15 PM
From: “Paul XXXXXXX” <XXXXXX@yahoo.com>
To:Rubxxxxx@talkmatch.com
Hi XXXXXX,
Yes, we’re on. Have you ever been to Mikey’s? It’s
down the street from Elsa’s. My brother recommended
it, so we can put the blame on him. I’m shooting for
7:30pm. Tell me if this is good for you.
Today was hectic. The owner of the house I put an
offer on turned all flakey, so now I’m looking again.
That’s fine; I wasn’t 100% with this one anyway. Who
would have thought it could be so hard in a buyer’s
market?
How was your day?
paul
_____________________________________________________________
Rubxxxxx@talkmatch.com wrote:Hi Paul:
Yep, we’re still on for tomorrow night. Looking
forward to meeting you. By the way, phones scare me
(at least initially), but here is my number …
(4XX) XXX-XXXX.
Meet you soon.
XXXXXXXXX
_____________________________________________________________________
Re:Match.com Message:
Wednesday, July 9, 2008 11:55 PM
From:
“Paul XXXXXXX” <XXXXX@yahoo.com>
To: rubxxxxxx@talkmatch.com
Hi XXXXXX,
how are you? How was your 4th? I had a very relaxing time in (enter state of residence here). Are you free this weekend? Look forward to hearing from you soon. Paul.
_____________________________________________________________________
From: <
rubxxxxxxx@talkmatch.com>
To: <
xxxxxx@yahoo.com>
Date: Thu, Jul 10, 2008 07:12 AM
Subject:
Match.com Message: Hello
Hi Paul:
Good to hear from you. So glad to hear you had a great weekend (well deserved, I’m sure!). My holiday was great – I slept most of the day (very unlike me) and then traveled down to the Summerfest grounds to watch a good friend’s husband rock the Potawotami stage. The rest of the weekend was pretty tame.
With the exception of a work event Saturday night (I have to watch a “Best in Show” beagle throw out the first pitch at the Brewers game – don’t ask), I am wide open this weekend. Any thoughts?
Have a great day – it’s supposed to be beautiful!
XXXXXXXXX
____________________________________________________________________
Saturday, July 12, 2008 12:37 AM
From: “Paul XXXXXX” <Xxxxxx@yahoo.com>
To:rubxxxxx@talkmatch.com
Hi xxxxxxxx!
I’m up. I’ve been sick in bed all day. It was probably something i ate. I’ve got some family stuff on sunday that im going to be in milwaukee for. What time is the ballgame saturday for you?
Talk soon- paul
P.S That “family stuff” he had to do on Sunday was come and see me!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, he even put up a profile on match.com. They had been emailing back and forth for about a month. They went on a date the Wednesday before 4th of July weekend. A weekend we planned on spending together. When I got up to his house, he was very distant and the vibe wasn’t very good. I asked him what was going on? Why was he acting like this? He told me that I was putting too much pressure on him. What kind of pressure? He told me that he didn’t feel like dealing with me. I decided that spending the weekend with him wasn’t a very good idea. He told me that he didn’t think that spending the weekend together was a good idea either, as a matter of fact, he thought about it during the week but didn’t want to tell me to save me a 2 hour drive. So, I picked up all my stuff I had around his house and went home 2 hours after I arrived. I didn’t understand, all I wanted to do was spend time with him. I didn’t want him to do anything other than spend time with me and let me know what was going on in his head.
That weekend he was all over the internet looking for a “hook up”. He was responding to craigslist ads all weekend looking for a one night stand!! Here is one of the emails he sent out to someone looking for a one night stand…
Re: hi
Saturday, July 5, 2008 7:29 PM
From:
“Paul XXXXXX” XXXX@yahoo.com
To: pers-742366132@craigslist.org
Hey,
Just another quick note, to let you know about me. I’m
single, unattached. I’m at my house. I’m
relocating to xxxxxxxx, but I’m in town to check on
my place.
I really like being with women. I’m 38, and I like
fulfilling the role of the younger man. There’s
nothing I won’t do to satisfy you completely. We can
have a really good time, and no one will know. And if
I’m in town again, which i will be, you can look me up
again.
paul
That weekend I thought we were having a fight. If he wanted it to be over, it could have been over that weekend. But he called me 2 days later looking to make-up and move on with our relationship. He told me that he wanted to talk and work through our issues. But he continued to talk to girls on the internet. Here is one string of emails between Paul and some girl named Jackie that he met on Facebook…
Re:RE: Stormy outside
Sunday, July 20, 2008 1:52 AM
From:”Paul XXXXX” <XXXXX@yahoo.com>
To:jackie_xxxxxx@hotmail.com
Hey jackie, you up?
———-
Sent from AT&T’s Wireless network using Mobile Email
——Original Message——
From: JACKIE <jackie_xxxxx@hotmail.com>
To: “Paul XXXXX” <XXXXX@yahoo.com>
Date: Fri, Jul 18, 2008 01:27 PM
Subject: RE: Stormy outside
It’s not stormy outside today, but I wish it were it is so hot. Kinda like you! I was just thinking of you and thought I would drop you a note. Just when we got back into touch…we lose touch again… speaking of touching…I would love to be close to you right now…. touch you…feel your breath on my ear…your skin on mine…. just talk….
08 06:05:30 +0000> Subject: Stormy outside>
From: xxxxxx@yahoo.com>
To: jackie_xxxxxxx@hotmail.com> >
Hi jackie. Its stormy outside again. Its dark and rainy. I know a place where we can watch the storm come in alone. I want to kiss the rain water that is streaming down your naked body and watch the lightning sparkle in your dark eyes…>
Sent from AT&T’s Wireless network using Mobile Email
RE: Stormy outside
Friday, July 18, 2008 3:28 PM
From:”Paul XXXXXX” <xxxxxx@yahoo.com>
To:”JACKIE” <jackie_xxxxxx@hotmail.com>
I’m doing alright. It’s been a bit boring here after
work because I don’t live around here, but soon i’ll
start making connections and having fun. How about
you? Do you have a man in your life who treats you
like you deserve, or have you found someone who you
can pretend is me? I wouldn’t be offended if you did.
Actually, it’s a bit exciting…If you ever feel
lonely and bored, you can write me at night. It would
be fun to talk to you after I go to bed
I wonder what he would say or do over the phone, while he’s talking to her in bed? Would he spank it?????? You decide!!!
These emails were sent while Paul and I were supposed to be “working things out.” What a crock!!! So, here is the story of what went wrong with our relationship. The day I found all these emails I was devastated. I even found an email that he sent to himself from his cell phone with a picture of his penis. I’m sure he wanted to send it to the whores he has erotic chats with.
Paul told me a story once about his ex-wife. He told me the end of their marriage was pretty bad. He suspected that she had met someone online and that one day she told him that she needed to take a vacation by herself. He suspected that she went to meet this man she met online. Soon after, she left him. Paul took several pages out of her book and played them on me. He knew how it felt to have someone cheat, he knew the pain, yet, he decided that I somehow deserved to know this same pain. Our whole relationship was a sham. I was someone to pass his time because he said that he never wanted to date anyone in his town, because his buddies had slept with all the women, married and unmarried.
All I ever did was try to be loving and supportive to the man I loved and in the end I got shit on!!! I am truly hurt and bewildered by these events. In the end, though, I know that I my love was not meant for Paul. He was merely a stepping stone to someone wayyyy better.
