America’s Got BAD BREATH!!!!!!

I had the worst train ride last night!!  There are 2 reason’s why this train ride was the worst train ride EVER!! 

The first reason was that the train was 25 minutes late.  So, instead of arriving at 6:30pm we didn’t arrive until 6:50ish.  Uggggg!!!  Usually, I wouldn’t mind this as I am fast asleep for most of the train ride. 

The second reason is that the woman sitting next to me had the WORST breath in the friggin’ world!!!!  her bad breath woke me out of a dead sleep.  Her breath was so bad that I had to turn my head away from her, which also gave me some muscle pain in my neck.  She kept yawning the whole way home

which spread her bad breath all over the place.  It was awful.  So, for all of you out there with chronic halitosis you better take care of it, or else your picture could end up on my blog!!! 

The Myspace Weirdo’s

Ok, most of us have The Myspace pages.  They’re fun and a good way of keeping in touch with friends old and new.  All of us have gotten unsolicited emails from other myspace people, for whatever reasons.  A friend of mine got an email from some guy in the Northwest burbs of Chicago requesting a weird favor… here’s the letter…

My name is Mark from the near north suburb of Chicago
in Des Plaines. You are a Goddess and I’m hoping you
would be willing to help me on this very unique fun
wild opportunity You seem really cool. I hope you
might consider..

Please let me know what you think…

I am seeking a lady or a group of ladies ages 18-65,
willing to literally walk, stand, dance, jump on me,
above the waist, and have me lick their shoes clean
and smell and kiss their tired feet for fun or for my
Myspace Yahoo webpage “Chitown Trample. ” Great fun,
great way to let loose, vent anger frustrations, How
often do you get the chance to stomp all over a guy?
LOL

No sex or nudity involved. We will be dressed. I would
pay $120 cash if that would be an incentive. Just for
one hour of your time. Yes, I am for legit.

Interested? Want to know more? Not for you? Write me
back. Check my profile too!!

Mark The Carpetman

 

FREAK!!!  But too funny!!!

 

Home toilet use for women!!

Last night I was on the phone with one of my girlfriends.  We were chit chatting, blah blah blah…  She asks me to hold on, in the background I hear water swooshing, gulping and gurggling. 

She gets back on the phone and I ask her, “Are you plunging the toilet?”  She replies, “The toilet is backed up and my husband will kill me if he finds out!” 

All right, all right.  I can feel the heat in my cheeks, my eyes are all aglow, goosebumps on my skin.  Now, if anyone knows me, they know I don’t back down from the difficult questions.  Like a 2 year old, here I go…

“Did you take a really big shit and flush too much paper?”   She said, No.

“Did you little boy flush his diaper down the toilet?”  She said, No.

Ok, I was hoping not to get to this question, but here it is.  “Did you flush a tampon down the toilet?”  She said, yes.  I said, “Don’t you know you never flush feminine products down your home toilet?”  She said, “yes, but I’m too lazy to properly wrap the products and throw them in the garbage.”  She said it also makes her sick to do so.  (Please keep in mind that all the while I’m asking her these questions, she is plunging the darned toilet.) 

Then she starts explaining that this is not the first time that this has happened, and the her hubbie in the past has expressed extreme distaste when she does this.  So she’s standing in her bathroom at 11pm vigorously plunging the toilet because she not only flushed the tampon, but the PLASTIC applicator and the plastic wrapper.  Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!  And she’s trying to clear the toilet before her husband comes upstairs and catches her.  Vigorously, she plunges on…  Finally, I hear the draining of the toilet and the sweet gurgle at the end.

********AFTER THOUGHT********

So, I posted this blog with a final thought in mind, and I never expressed that thought.  Here it is…

The moral to this story is, (sorry that I have to use CAPS, but it’s necessary) DON’T FLUSH YOUR TAMPONS DOWN THE TOILET IN YOUR OWN HOME!!!!!!  They are not good for your plumbing.  I’ve spoken to a plumber about this and he says that they can get stuck in the pipes, because, hmmm, they swell, they’re made of cotton and they absorb liquids!!  Save your plumbing, and wrap the item in TP.  That’s all I have to say about this…

Congratulations!!

I have some very happy news to report!!!  Unlike my April Fools joke, yesterday.  My oldest friend in the world, Cheryl, we’ve been friends since we were 5.  Cheryl, finally, had her baby!!  Chiara pronounced (kee-AR-ah) was born on 3-30-08, 7lbs-15oz.  Congrats to the new family!!  Love you!!

 

UPDATE…Adventures in Invisalign…

So, here are a few more updates on my quest for Invisalign. I’ve seen 2 more doctors in the last 2 days and I’m more confused than ever!!

Doctor 3:
Very nice lady, she has an office in the loop and in my home town. Oh, she is an Orthodontist. The first 2 doctors I saw were Dentists.
Treatment: She does NOT want to give me invisalign. Instead, she wants me to wear clear braces for 18 months. She says that clear braces would not only straighten out my teeth, but they would correct my bite. She would make room to straighten my teeth by widening the arch in my mouth, no teeth shaving or tooth removal. She also stated that if I went with Invisalign, that my teeth would probably revert to the way they are now. She also stated that she would have to put a permanent retainer behind my front teeth after treatment ends.
Duration: Clear Braces 18 months —– Invisalign 12 months approx.
Price: A whopping $6,000 for Invisalign or Clear Braces

Doctor 4:
Incredibly hot guy, with a fabulous ass!! Va-Va-Va-Voom!!!!!! His initial consultation was the most thorough of ALL the dentists thus far. He took x-rays and did a small exam. He is an Orthodontist as well.
Treatment: He gave me several options, which I liked! Option 1: Correct my overbite with Invisalign. Option 2: Clear braces, this option has 2 different paths. Path 1: Remove 2 teeth to make room for my front teeth to be straightened out. Path 2: Shave a bit off each of my teeth to make room for my front teeth. At the end of treatment I would clear Invisalign like retainers at night.
Duration: Clear Braces – 18 Months —— Invisalign 12 months approx.
Price: $5,100 – With some excellent payment options!!

Adventures in Invisalign…

I am gearing up to straighten out a couple of my teeth. So I have been talking to dentists and orthodontists regarding my teeth and Invisalign. I have spoken to 2 dentists and have 4 more consultations scheduled for Invisalign. Here is the consensus thus far…

Dentist 1:

Treatment: She would give me aligners just for my top teeth, and shave those teeth to make room to straighten out my teeth.

Duration: 1 Year

Price: $5,400

Dentist 2:

Treatment: Widen the arch of my upper teeth, creating space to move my teeth, thus widening my smile and giving me more upper lip support. No teeth shaving.

Duration: 5 Months

Price: $3,000 approx. (I don’t have a set price yet)

I don’t understand how these 2 opinions could be sooo different. I have several other appointments coming up, I will follow up here after each appointment. Hopefully, I can find what the real answer should be!